Honest Ponderings

Because of the nature of my life here I spend a great deal of my time thinking...and much of that thinking is spent on thinking about my future. To explain, let me back up a bit...You see, I had my whole future planned out a year ago: I was going to student teach in China and then I’d be offered a job there for the spring and would stay on there. Then I’d just stay there for several years until I’d earned enough to pay off my loans. Then I’d join a mission agency and become a missionary.....It was all going according to plan until while I was in China...I realized that my expectations were quite different from reality. I was obsessed with China for 4 years and then when I was finally there, I was not in love with it anymore. I had a wonderful experience there, but I did not feel that “connection” or that confirmation that China was where I wanted to or should spend my life. It was very confusing for me and I felt like a failure for not liking it there and it was such a letdown. I did not want to give up on the Chinese people though and wanted to see if it was just China I did not like or if it was the people I didn’t connect with. So when the opportunity to move to Taiwan presented itself, it seemed like the perfect chance to test that. Even though Taiwan has its own culture, the people are still Chinese in many ways. So, that is what I am doing here- accomplishing 3 things:
1. Getting teaching experience and money
2. Seeing what it’s like to teach English (something I was interested in discovering) and
3. Interacting with Chinese and seeking God’s will as to if this is the people group He would have me serve long-term.

So, while I had everything planned out to a tee and it seemed like a God-honoring plan....God actually had other plans for me. So, while I know God will direct my steps and my future, I cannot help thinking about my future all the time and wondering and pondering different options for the near future (one year from now).
I think I want to move back to the US for a few years. I really miss it and miss being around familiar people and places. And I think I can pay off my loans just as fast there as I can here. So, several options are involved in that...I could
1. Teach in or around Columbus, OH and be near 2 brothers and not too far from relatives and some friends or
2. I could teach in Indiana; either Ft. Wayne, Muncie, or Indianapolis. I would be really near family and relatives, but not many friends. Or
3. I could teach in Texas and be near my 2 closest friends- one in Longview and one in Dallas and some other college friends in Dallas, but far from family and relatives.

Or there’s always the overseas options which right now are at the bottom of the list for at least the next 3 years. I could teach at Morrison in Taiwan, I could go back the Philippines and teach at ISM or Brent, or I could go someone new completely like Malaysia, Thailand, or even Central America (all sound interesting to me).

So, as probably quite evident I am as confused about my future as ever and am trying to seek God’s will in my future because I just want to go where He wants.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs. 16:9