Conclusion of My Taiwan Adventure

I've learned so much this year; I can't even put it into words. It has truly been an adventure. It had A LOT of bumps, but it was honestly an amazing adventure. I wonder if it will all just feel like a dream in a few months or years--"yeah, remember that one time I lived in Taiwan? That was random." Or if I will think about Taiwan everyday or remember what I got out of this experience. I came to Taiwan with 3 main goals: 1. See what it's like to teach English 2. Get some experience and make some money 3. Investigate if God has called me to minister to the Chinese people through missions some day. Did I accomplish those goals? 1. Yes, I don't like teaching English, especially in a cram school. 2. Yes, I got experience in many things, hopefully grew up a little and did make some money; not as much as I thought, but pretty good for my first job I guess. 3. Hmmm, this one is a toughie because I am still not sure; I will just wait on God's direction.

So, all in all, 2 out of 3- pretty successful, I guess. I wanted an adventure and I got one. "So, now, Lord, what's the next one?" :) For now, it's farewell Taiwan, hello America!

Tug of War

Today is the day! I'm flying back to America in 13 hours! I simply cannot believe this day has come. I'm actually leaving Taiwan and returning to the US. This is it. My heart is engaged in a bitter game of tug of war, though. I get this awful empty feeling and start to cry as I think about leaving, yet I remember how I've longed for this for so long. It's like I'm chickening out at the last minute and wanting to stay here! I'm trying to remind myself how much I've looked forward to this, but the other half of me is just heart-broken at the thought of leaving and maybe never coming back. There are so many things drawing me back to the US, yet at the same time there is so much I'm leaving behind here. I just feel so mixed up. In my head all this year, returning to the US was going "home," but suddenly all the old feelings of Asia being my home are returning and I'm just heart-broken about leaving it. (SIGH). Will it ever end? Being a TCK is way too emotional. I don't know where I belong or if I will ever be able to live contentedly anywhere.

I worried that the moment I've been waiting for for so long with eager anticipation will be overshadowed by the grief of leaving. I've been looking forward to the moment the immigration officer in Chicago stamps me back in and says, "welcome home," but once I land in America, it may also hit me (as it has in past trips) that Asia is long gone especially when I see all those white faces and I'll want to run up and hug every Asian I see. I know I'm worrying about it too much (and on top of these worries- I'm worried again about fitting in, all the details I have to work out, that it will be obvious that my English has deteriorated over the past 18 months, etc) and because I've done this so many times, I should be cool as a cucumber. But it's precisely because I've done it so many times that I have these worries because I know myself and can remember all those other times and the feelings I felt then. I'm sure, though that seeing Kevin outside the airport and then seeing many other friends and relatives and places and things I've missed will overcome the feeling of "oh no, what have I done? I've made a terrible mistake in leaving." I'll probably run through the cycle three or four times throughout the journey---sad-terrified-relieved-excited-nervous-sad-terrified-relieved-excited, etc, etc.

Thoughts on Taiwan

My suitcases are all packed, I checked out with my landlord after cleaning the apartment for 3 hours, I've said my goodbyes to people and places; I'm "ready" to go. It's hard to believe this is it- I'm not just leaving on another trip; I'm really, really leaving this time. I don't know if I'll be back to Taiwan anytime soon, but I know I'll be back to Asia eventually. I always return. :)

I laughed at and thought Taiwan's tourism slogan was so dumb when I arrived here, but I've come to realize it's true: Taiwan: Touch Your Heart! :) There will always be a special place in my heart for Taiwan. Here are some things I liked and disliked about Taiwan itself.

Liked
-cheap food
-markets- night and wet ones- where you can buy just one mango if you want; you don’t have to buy a whole bag of something
-public transportation, esp. MRT :) my lifeline
-yummy juices and teas and so much selection
-convenience stores everywhere
-street vendors
-palm trees and semi-tropical foliage
-cheap dental and medical work- an outstanding healthcare system
-no tipping
-do a good job with recycling
-easy access to food from around the world
-the currency: nothing less than a dollar, no fractions or decimal points
-lushness and forestyness and mountains
-I feel safe from crime/there are gun laws
-I can pay all my bills at convenience store
-milk tea, especially almond milk tea
-drink shops everywhere and the cool shrink-wrap lids
-night markets
-the famous "Asian fingers" (V/peace sign) in every picture or done after you have done something noteworthy.
-Taiwanese youth and their quirky styles and behavior.
-all the random parks
-graphic warnings in the elevators about possible injuries in an emergency
-relatively clean for a city
-technology, even in the restrooms!
-people saying "take a rest" instead of just rest or relax
-funny mix-ups with English grammar- "That gift is coming from me"
-Taiwanese always taking pictures, usually of food, themselves just doing normal things or taking self-portraits

Didn’t Like
- weird looks I get in public (like I have something in my teeth or spilled something down my shirt)
-not being understood and then getting frustrated at myself and others
-not being able to be completely free to do what I want b/c of the language barrier (like have stuff delivered, repairmen)
-Aggravatingly annoying garbage truck jingles (Fur Elise)
-most of the local delicacies -boiled stuff, fermented tofu, congealed pig's blood, seafood
-expensive taxis
-subtitles, especially when they block things
-obsession with corn- they put it on everything!
-the difficulty in learning Chinese
-the sound of Mandarin- it got annoying
-creepy Buddhist things
-everything in cm, kilos, and celsius
-the date written backwards and use Taiwanese years
-someone always has to help me do things like communicate with landlord, PO, bank, etc.
-people always trying to practice their English on me or shouting “hello” at me on the street. Just leave me alone!
-no indoor heating in winter
-mildew and mold grows like crazy
-Taiwanese obsession with money
-squatty potties
-stalkers--old students and creepy men on the bus

Happy Easter!

This was a really weird Easter for me because I had to say goodbye to my parents again and to Thailand yesterday and then tonight was the night I've been dreading for 9 days (since I found out I'm not coming back)--saying goodbye to my church. It was really heart-wrenching. It reminded me of saying goodbye in high school after graduation. I guess it's harder outside of America, because I know I'll always have some connection or return to America because I'm a citizen there. But saying goodbye after high school and tonight was different because everyone is from different places and I have a lesser chance of seeing these friends again. They made a beautiful scrapbook for me which was so touching and I will cherish it forever. I'll probably never find a church like The Pearl again; it's so unique. I will miss it dearly. So, it was hard to celebrate Easter when I'm feeling so emotional and saddened, but it is because of Jesus' resurrection that I know I will see these friends in heaven one day. "Here, there, or in the air" as the saying goes.

Matthew 28:6
"He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said."
他 不 在 這 裡 ， 照 他 所 說 的 ， 已 經 復 活 了。

Bangkok: Version 5.0

I'm back "home" in Taiwan again after a wonderful 11 days in Bangkok. It was so precious to spend so much time with my parents and I just adore Bangkok, so I love every chance I get to visit. This was my 5th trip in 5 years! I went 3 times in the past 14 months alone! It is the perfect place to spend a vacation. Thailand has such a rich and exotic culture that is simply fascinating. Not to mention it's warm, tropical, cheap and has such fun shopping, sightseeing, and great food! It reminds me more of the Philippines than Taiwan does, which I also like. But of course, a big draw for me is having my parents there! It makes it feel like home to me and so comfortable. Bangkok, like many big cities is just simply alive and bustling with activity. I also enjoy watching all the tourists in Bangkok. They are everywhere and from everywhere; it's so interesting. I just love Thailand in general. I love picking up more words, cultural tidbits, and getting to know my way around more each time.

A few things I did this time were: spend a day being total tourists in an actual tour group (we saw the famous floating market, a monkey show, a wood carving center, an elephant show, a cultural show, and a gem gallery), go to the forensics museum, go to The Well (a ministry to help prostitutes in Bangkok escape that life), go on my dad's famous "Ken Cole Tour of Bangkok," go to 3 of my favorite places to buy Thai stuff, go to church at the Asian Institute of Technology, eat out a lot, go swimming 7 out of the 11 days, hang out with several old friends, meet/hang out with some of my parents' friends, eat my mom's homecooking, and of course catch a couple of movies at the malls. Did I forget anything? :)

It was a great time and I was just as sad to leave Thailand as I am to leave Taiwan. It was hard to say goodbye to my parents again too, but it was much easier this time knowing that I will see them in July and all of next year afterall!

Answer

I finally got my answer from Morrison Academy today: NO. They decided on someone else for the position I wanted. So, this means of course that I will not be returning to Taiwan in August or for all of next year as I was hoping. So, I'll be hopefully settling around Columbus, OH eventually, depending on the job situation. I'm really caught between emotions right now because their answer wasn't really a surprise, but now I know for sure I'll be saying goodbye to all my wonderful friends in Taiwan and to Taiwan itself in a few days. This thought just breaks my heart. It's going be rough. But, I'm also excited about what God has in store for me in the US next year. I am at peace because I know it's God's will and he had a reason for sending me to Taiwan and a reason for leading me away. I am trusting Him and look forward to what He has for me. But, yet...leaving is never easy, of course and not knowing his plan YET is hard as well. But I'm really excited that I'll be able to reunite with family and friends in the US for longer than just a few months. Both options had pros and cons and now I know the answer and feel at peace, but torn between feeling sad and disappointed and feeling excited and hopeful at the new options.

In other news, I'm in Bangkok with my parents and having a great time as always. It's 90 degrees here, by the way! :)

Freedom and Mixed Emotions

This past week was my "week of freedom"...and a lot of mixed emotions. I spent it mostly relaxing, but did get quite a few errands done including doing my local taxes, going to the dentist, sending another box to the US, wiring money to the US, contacting schools in OH, and more packing and cleaning. But, I did have fun too! I went shopping twice in Taipei and unsuccessfully tried to find some touristy sights. I also slept a lot and just relaxed. On Saturday, I organized a hiking trip to a nearby national park with mountains and lots of flowers. It was really fun and it was so nice to be outside enjoying the perfect spring weather! On Sunday, my 2 small groups had a goodbye lunch for me at TGI Friday's. It was really fun and special. Then some of us went KTV-ing afterward, which was my 2nd time to do it Taiwan. It was a lot of fun! This time we were on the 9th floor (the whole building is KTV rooms) and we had an all-you-can-eat buffet included in our deal. It was great! Then after church I had to say goodbye to a few friends I won't see again before I leave because they will be out of town. It was hard to say goodbye not knowing if I'm coming back yet.

In fact, the whole week was a little hard when I was out in public because I kept thinking if it was my last time here or there and just looking at everything around me and thinking about leaving kept making me choke up. Since I'm guessing Morrison is going to say "no," I think I've already started the psychological leaving and grieving process. I'm extremely excited to get back to America, but now it's hitting me that I'm leaving Taiwan and Asia again. Definitely mixed emotions. I feel very caught in the middle...as usual. I'm also starting to get a little nervous about going back to the US. The reverse culture shock and seeing people I haven't seen in awhile and feeling kinda out-of-it, like I've been living under a rock for the past year and a half. This is the longest I've been out of the US since 2000! I'm also afraid when I get back, I'll forget all the things I've learned here and Taiwan will just seem like a dream and that I'll immediately wish I was back here again instead- that's my biggest fear: regret. But, then again, who knows? Maybe Morrison will say "yes" and I won't have to worry about that. I'm supposed to get their answer this week.

Yangming Mountain Outing

Small Group Goodbye Lunch at Friday's

A KTV building...it's serious business here!

KTV fun!

Unemployed!

Whoooohoooo! I'm free, I'm free, I'm free!!! I never have to teach English again if I don't want to!! Today was my last day of work for Shane English Schools of Taiwan! I just cannot believe this day has finally come. I've been waiting for this day for so long! It's so unreal! I don't think it has really hit me yet because I don't feel as relieved or ecstatic as I imagined I would. I think I'm just exhausted. It'll probably hit me as I leave for Thailand in just 8 days! :) Then I'll really taste the freedom. I still have a few details to deal with here before I leave like doing my Taiwan taxes.

It was weird saying goodbye to my students and several gave me goodbye gifts. I was touched, but never felt like crying like I usually do when saying goodbyes. I'm glad to be done with them all and the job itself, finally!

Tonight my bosses had a farewell party for me at a nice buffet restaurant with all the teachers and TA's. It was a pretty fun time, though I hate being the center of attention. We went really crazy with taking pictures, so it was a fun evening.

Ahhh, I can't believe I'm done, which means I'm unemployed now too...but happily so! :)

Most of my students



My farewell party


My gifts